


Born to Die

by theguineapig3



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 17:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theguineapig3/pseuds/theguineapig3
Summary: After both being stood up by Lloyd in Flanoir, Colette and Zelos decide to go for a walk of their own. They both have things to say, after all, and neither had quite realized before how good it felt to have another Chosen to talk to. There was an understanding between the two of them that only they had.





	Born to Die

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Chosen Week 2019 on Tumblr, for the prompt "warmth."

Colette knocked, slowly and softly, on the door of Lloyd’s room. She was waiting for a response before saying anything, but the room seemed strangely quiet. There wasn’t even the sound of movement, like Lloyd unpacking or getting ready for bed. Was he already asleep? She didn’t want to wake him if he was, but she didn’t want to give up either. Maybe he was just worried about who was behind the door.

“Lloyd, it’s me,” she called. “Have you looked outside? It’s snowing. I know we’re not really used to the cold yet, but if you don’t mind it, do you want to…”

“Go for a walk?”

She’d been so focused on the door that she hadn’t heard someone walking up behind her. The voice took her by surprise, and she twirled around. “Z-Zelos?”

“You were looking for Lloyd, right?”

“Yeah. Were you coming to talk to him too? I won’t get in your way, so-”

She started back down the hallway, but Zelos reached out and grabbed her sleeve. “Now, hold on there, cutie. I was coming to talk to Lloyd, but, same as you, I’m a little too late.”

“Too late?” Colette repeated.

“I saw Professor Raine on the way here. She mentioned that Genis had gone off for a walk with Lloyd.” He let go of her sleeve and laughed, taking a step back. “The kid was all excited about the snow. I guess we’re just outta luck.”

Colette, meanwhile, gave a sigh of relief. “Oh, so he went with Genis? I’m glad.”

“Glad? I’m kinda heartbroken that he’d choose that little brat over a couple a gorgeous hunnies like us.”

It was hard not to giggle at that response, and Colette put a hand over her mouth. “No, it’s not that. I am disappointed, I guess, but… I’m happy for them at the same time. I think Genis and Lloyd really needed to have a talk after all that’s happened with Mithos.”

Zelos leaned against the wall, crossing his arms. “Do you think Genis would really side with Mithos knowing what the guy’s done?”

“No, no, it’s not like that.” Colette shook her head. “But Genis does understand Mithos’ feelings, at least to some extent, and it makes him nervous. He would never betray Lloyd, never betray the world, and yet… I think there’s a part of him that still doesn’t want to fight Mithos. He and Lloyd need to talk that out. That’s why I’m glad they went out tonight. What I had to say… well, it’s important, but… I don’t know if it would really make a difference or not.”

There was a moment of silence between them. Colette wondered if Zelos was just going to leave it at that, but he spoke up again before she could start back down the hallway.

“Do you think it’d make a difference if you told me?”

She paused and considered the question. “…what do you mean?”

“I know I’m not Lloyd, so whatever it is you wanna talk about won’t be relevant, but maybe saying it out loud will at least ease your mind a little. Do you want to go outside?”

Colette thought it over. “Well, I do want to see the snow… and I guess telling someone would be better than keeping it to myself… alright, then. Let’s go!”

“That’s the spirit, darling! You lead the way!”

It was colder outside than Colette had realized, and she started shivering as they made their way through the lit streets. Zelos noticed and moved a little closer.

“You need a coat, sweetheart?”

“Hm? No, this is fine.” Colette turned just enough to offer him a smile as she shook her head. “I like being able to feel the cold like this. The snow pricks my skin a little, but if I keep my hands in my sleeves, it doesn’t hurt. And even if it does… well, I like being able to feel it anyway. Is that weird?”

Zelos made an exaggerated shrugging motion in reply. “Who knew that having her senses taken from her for a time would turn our sweet little angel into a masochist?”

“Pardon? A what?”

He just laughed and patted her on the head. “I was just teasin’ ya. Here- let’s stop and talk near these ice sculptures, okay?”

“Y-yeah, alright!”

Zelos allowed Colette some time to admire the sculptures and then asked again about what she’d hoped to say to Lloyd. It took her a moment to regroup and remember, but once she did, she was able to spill the whole story to him. He listened, not saying much but still nodding along with her as she spoke.

“…and so that’s why I don’t want to risk killing Kratos by making him break Origin’s seal that way. There has to be an alternative.” She looked down at her feet, her face flushing a little. “I know he’s not _my_ father, but still…”

Zelos let out a low hum as he considered it. “Well, I can’t exactly say I’m a fan of Kratos. But we’re all fans of his work, so to speak, so-”

“Pardon?”

“Lloyd. We like Lloyd.”

Colette giggled a little. “I’m glad you do too.”

“So I think he’s the one who should be communicating with Kratos on this whole thing. He may still be in shock over the revelation, but I think it’s more than that. Lloyd is having to reconcile Kratos’ identity- his fatherhood- with his actions as part of Cruxis. And whatever decision he comes to regarding Kratos’ true intentions is his own business.”

Colette fidgeted with her hands. “…I do think Kratos is a good father. He was always protecting Lloyd.”

Zelos grinned. “Yeah, I’ve met some bad fathers in my time, and while Kratos isn’t exactly a shining example of fatherhood, he’s not at the bottom of the list either.”

The statement made Colette look up again. “Your own father?” she asked.

“Huh? Well, I didn’t know him all that well, but he wasn’t a stand-up guy. He didn’t really give a damn about me, so I suppose Kratos is at least better in that respect.”

“You didn’t know him well- does that mean he didn’t spend time with you?”

“No, not really.”

“So you were raised by your mother?”

Zelos was quiet. He looked away from Colette, instead taking time to examine the scenery around them. “…I was raised…” he finally began, still looking over the town, “…by Sebastian and an army of maids. My mother was just kind of there- ‘til I was ten, at least.”

Colette was hesitant, but pressed on, noticing a sense of eagerness in his tone. It wasn’t a happy story, but he seemed to want to tell it. Was this what he’d wanted to talk to Lloyd about?

“What happened?”

“It was a day just like this one,” Zelos continued, gesturing to the falling snow. “It’s so rare to see snow in Meltokio, I had never seen it pile up like it did that day. My mother and I built a snowman in the garden. Then, all of a sudden, the snowman fell apart. Before I knew what was going on, red snow began to fall.”

Colette’s voice hitched in surprise. “Red snow? You mean…?”

“Yeah. My mom’s blood.” Zelos closed his eyes and sighed. “And do you know what her dying words were to me?”

“What were they?”

Zelos turned so that he was facing Colette again. He opened his eyes, the eerie seriousness in them holding her in place as he spoke words that chilled her more deeply than the snowy air ever could.

“_You should never have been born._”

It felt as though the words echoed off the sleeping city. Colette placed her hands over her mouth to keep from letting out a shrill squeal. “That’s… that’s… horrible… why would she…?”

Zelos turned away again to look back out over the city. “My mother probably loved someone else. But because of the oracle from Cruxis, she had to marry the Chosen at the time- my father. And the old man had another woman at the time as well.”

“But still…” Colette protested, “…no matter her feelings about your father, you were her son! How could she say that to her own child?”

“Because the magic that killed my mother was meant for me. It was an assassination attempt because I was the next Chosen, and my mother was caught in the crossfire. A pretty valid reason for her to hate me, don’t you think?”

Colette was quiet. She wasn’t sure how to answer the question.

“I hated being the Chosen,” Zelos continued seeing that she didn’t have a response. “I spent my whole life wanting to run away, thinking that I never should have been born. It was hard… and I wasn’t even expected to give up my life the way you were. So to you, I probably just sound like I’m whining-”

“No!” Colette finally found her words, turning to grab Zelos’ hands. “No, that’s not true! You suffered, Zelos, and no amount of my own suffering could diminish yours!” She realized she was squeezing his hands and let go, stepping back again to give him some space. “Sorry for yelling. I just… I was so sad, hearing your story. I didn’t know that happened to you. Was that what you were going to tell Lloyd?”

The question seemed to surprise Zelos. “I, uh, wasn’t actually sure what I was going to tell Lloyd. I just planned to get out here and talk. But that seemed like the logical place to start with all my issues, so…” He paused, closing his eyes. “I guess I just wanted to tell at least somebody how I felt. How, even now, I get tired of all the problems. I wonder if it’d be better if everything and everyone were just destroyed. Kind of awful way of thinking, isn’t it?”

“I… think that way too, sometimes…”

Zelos’ eyes shot open. “Huh? You, Colette?”

“Well, not exactly the same- not everyone and everything- but I sometimes wonder how much better off everyone would be if I’d just been willing to sacrifice myself.”

“Colette…”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be alive-” She began fidgeting with her hands again. “-but I’ve caused so much trouble for everyone else. Lloyd and the others have fought so hard and gotten hurt over and over just for my sake. I wanted to ask Lloyd to find a way that Kratos didn’t have to sacrifice himself, just like he did for me. But when I heard he went to talk with Genis instead, I realized how many other problems he has to deal with. Trying to save everyone is so troublesome. So, if I were willing, wouldn’t it be easier just to… you know…?”

There was another pause, and Colette looked up at Zelos expectantly. She wasn’t sure how he would respond, and for a moment, she was afraid that she’d come across as trying to diminish his problems after saying she wouldn’t. She opened her mouth to apologize, but before the words could even form in her mouth, Zelos cut her off with a burst of laughter.

“Hah! Would ya look at us! A couple’a kids just ready to fucking _die_!”

Colette let out a little “_eep!_” of surprise and covered her mouth. Zelos noticed, and the reaction only fueled his laughter.

“What, my choice of words offend you? Sorry ‘bout that.”

“I-It’s not that, I’m just surprised. I’ve only heard that word once before- Genis said it one time, and then Raine dragged him off, and… well, we didn’t see him in school for three whole days afterward, and Genis never missed school, so-”

Zelos slapped a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright. There’s nobody out here, so nobody’s gonna know. Sometimes you just gotta let loose once in a while and curse at the world.”

Colette frowned. “But I don’t want to curse the world. I love this world. Even if it means sacrificing myself, I want this world to stay as beautiful and amazing as it is.”

The two paused again, Zelos retracting his arm as he thought it over. “Y’know,” he finally began again, “I may seem like a hypocrite for sayin’ so after what I said about wanting to die, but I think you should live, Colette. You make the world a better place by being alive. Not everyone does. Losing someone like you means the world would get a little darker. You don’t want that, right?”

“Zelos…” Colette’s frown turned slowly up into a smile as she spoke. “…thank you. For what it’s worth, I think you make the world a better place too. You need to live as well- for your own sake and the sake of everyone who believes in you.”

It might’ve just been the cold, but Colette could swear she saw a slight blush on Zelos’ cheeks. “Gee, Colette, that’s kinda…” He stopped, shook his head, and then continued with renewed enthusiasm. “Y’know, I think I will! I’ll live too- for me, for Colette, for Lloyd, and for all those stupid people who want me dead!” He ran to the edge of the railing along the stairs and cupped his hands over his mouth, calling out to the quiet city “_fuck you, I’m going to live!_”

Colette let out a little shriek again and ran to his side. “Z-Zelos, don’t! Someone might hear you!”

“No one’s gonna hear me. Everyone’s asleep.” He motioned out toward the lights of the town. “Why don’t you try it? It feels good.”

“Wha-?! No, I couldn’t!”

“Just once. Nobody’s going to hear. It’s for you.”

“No way.”

“Seriously. I’m not trying to get you in trouble or anything. I just think it’d be good for you.” Zelos reached out and pointed towards her. “You may not seem like it at first, but you’ve got a strong will deep down. You have to be bold in pulling it out. This opportunity might not come again. Are you going to let it go to waste?”

Colette frowned, looking down at her feet as she thought it over. Finally, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before walking over to the staircase and cupping her hands around her mouth and yelling out to the world.

“_I’m going to live and I’m going to do it the way I want!_”

Zelos burst into laughter again, this time having to wipe tears away from the edges of his eyes. “Oh, Colette, you’re amazing!”

“Huh? D-did I do something wrong?”

“No! Don’t ask that after you’ve expressed the confidence to do what you want! You did it exactly right!”

Colette allowed herself to smile before finally being overcome with the urge to shiver. She pulled her arms around her and looked back up at Zelos.

“Um, I think it’s too cold to be out here much longer. Should we go back?”

Zelos seemed almost disappointed, and Colette felt sorry for a moment before he opened his mouth and it was clear he was joking around.

“What? Even our masochistic little angel has had enough? I suppose we have to, then. Come on.”

The two walked side by side back to the inn before coming to a stop in the main lobby. Zelos was about to start up the stairs, but Colette called to him before he could get too far.

“Before you go, um, here…”

“What’s that?”

She had produced something from her pocket, a little ceramic trinket that Zelos recognized instantly. His eyes lit up.

“Oh! A Flanoir snow bunny!”

“I was going to give this to Lloyd as a good luck charm, but… well, I think Lloyd makes his own good luck. You need it more than he does. So here.”

She held it out, but Zelos was hesitant to take it.

“You sure? If you bought it with Lloyd in mind, I’d hate to take it from you. You can always give it to him tomorrow.”

“No, I’m sure.” Colette shook her head. “Even if the phrasing shocked me, I was really happy to hear your determination to live after everything that’s happened to you. I want you to keep that determination. So for good luck in having a better life from here on out, I want you to have this. Here.”

Zelos reached out and picked up the rabbit from her hands, holding it close to his chest. “Thank you, Colette. I’ll treasure it.”

Her smile seemed to light up the room. “I’m so glad!”

The two walked up the stairs and down the hall in silence before Colette finally stopped in front of her own room. She looked over at Zelos and waved.

“Goodnight, then. Thank you for everythi-”

“Hang on just a second. Hold out your hand.”

Zelos seemed to be fishing in his pocket as he said this, and Colette wondered what it was he was looking for. She held out her hand like he’d asked, and he finally produced something from his pocket and placed it in her palm, closing her fingers around it. It was round and felt strangely warm, and while she started to open her hand to look at it, Zelos put his hand over her fingers again to stop her.

“This is a symbol of my trust,” he said, almost in a whisper. “Hang on to it for me, okay? I don’t have the right to ask for your forgiveness, but… I still want you to forgive me.”

Colette’s expression clouded. “Forgive you? What does that mean?”

Zelos didn’t answer the question directly. Instead, he pushed Colette’s hand back against her chest and then turned around. “Just keep this between us, okay? And, no matter what happens to me, always continue wanting to live, okay?”

Colette’s fingers tightened around the orb as she watched him continue down the hall and then disappear into his own room. He couldn’t hear her, she knew that, and yet a part of her felt compelled to reply anyway.

“_I will, Zelos._”


End file.
